Sober

I think Sober was the first Tool song that got a significant amount of radio play. I've read many theories as to what this song is actually about, but this blog is about me and why I'm awesome. So let's start with continuing the theme of me enjoying breaking people down. Ugh... what an egomaniac I am.

One theme: So somewhere along the way, I realized or maybe just got to the point where I didn't have any beliefs of my own. I guess beliefs here would be hardcore axioms to build truth from. So I was pretty much lost. I had this ability to break other people down and I was kind of invincible because there was nothing to break down. I was sort of already broken down. Not only that, but that if I broke someone else down then I had nothing to offer them at the end except to be broken like me. This was a beginning of me stopping myself from attacking people.

Second theme: Now I grew up Christian and I can remember a time when it worked for me. I guess before I questioned anything. It was a simple happy way to be. Then I questioned and went down this long path and ended up with nothing really. Once I had gone down this path, there was no going back. I couldn't and can't fake Christianity or theism. But I remember my old self, who with respect to peace of mind was perhaps happier than me now. And then if I had always been my current self with nothing and not been that other guy with something, would I be happier now with nothing? This is frustrating.

Right from the start

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every breath I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come.
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?

My formal self would be the shadow just behind me. The verse ends with an angry and frustrated plea to Jesus to show up and fix things, because that would be one way back to my former self.

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over.

I've gone so many ways with the line, "Why can't we not be sober?" and I still don't think I've ever fully comprehended. So I sing it loud and desperately with Maynard. The wanting to start things over goes back to wanting to be my former self and maybe never go down the path that I've gone. And maybe stay drunk on the lie?

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.

So here is the warning to a would-be victim. The first lines about being a worthless liar and imbecile I leave out for myself. These lines and really the whole verse are Maynard playing the part of a religious leader. I know this because when they played in Raleigh, he dressed up like a southern Evangelist preacher for this song. Anyway, ignoring those two lines and then thinking about myself saying this to someone or mostly thinking of saying it to someone is ridiculous and makes me hate myself. So I guess now I think of it as Maynard playing the part of a minister. It is not as emotional, but still works.

The song kind of repeats itself lyrically from here, but has a few subtle changes. Jesus changes to Mother Mary to come save us. Maynard grew up Catholic where it seems Mother Mary was a bigger figure in the church than for us Methodists. He also asks why we can't sleep forever instead of drink forever. Another nice switch. More of a give up than drinking forever.

The music of this song also stands on its own as a Tool song. I think it is the simplest song musically that they have. But I get goosebumps every time I hear those first few notes. I'm so glad these guys found each other. I can't imagine anyone else singing over this beautiful music.